Estimated reading time: 5 min.
Dear reader,
Welcome back to Guiding Words.
In the past few years, there has been enough literature on people’s experiences at the end of life to conclude that, for far too many, regret seems to be a recurrent feeling in those final moments.
Because feelings of regret carry with them an immense load of suffering, it is important that we make peace with our regrets while we are still alive, rather than waiting for death to force us to rest in peace with them.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary provides an insightful definition of the word:
regret noun
1. sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair
It’s important to emphasize that these circumstances are either beyond one’s control or power to repair.
For those on the path to Serenity, the goal is:
To meet death empty of any more desire for life. – WoA
But how is that achieved?
Achieving this requires embracing the philosophy of satisficing, a concept that challenges the pursuit of perfection.
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
satisfice intransitive verb
: to pursue the minimum satisfactory (adequate) condition or outcome
From the American Psychological Association:
verb: to choose an option that meets the requirements of a particular situation but that may not be the optimal choice when considered in the abstract.
The path of "good enough" (satisficing) can be illustrated through two different but complementary approaches.
First, to embrace the path of "good enough" means taking action as soon as you meet the minimal viable requirements, rather than waiting for the perfect moment or conditions.
But if you don't wait for the perfect moment or the perfect conditions, aren't you increasing your chances of failure?
Of course, but the faster you try, the quicker you will begin to understand through personal experience how you really feel about something and whether you're willing to keep exploring or if the sampling of the desired experience was "good enough." In other words, the quicker you try that new thing, the quicker you can demystify it and thus remove it from both the list of desires and, more importantly, potential regrets.
Secondly, embracing the path of "good enough" also means learning to recognize and be content with a "good enough" outcome instead of chasing a perfect one. It requires the ability to understand that perfection is a direction, not a destination.
But wouldn't that mean living below your potential?
Once again, yes. However, how can you reach the horizon?
Choosing to be satisficed means recognizing that potential is a territory far greater than oneself—not meant to be reached, but explored, using curiosity as a map, awareness as a compass, and joy as a guide.
As we try and demystify experiences, we also begin to understand the nature of the ego and its need for validation. Satisficing, therefore, involves developing the skill to understand whom we are truly trying to please by desiring something.
- Is the primary desire to become a successful entrepreneur to prove that we are worthy of love or to solve a real-world problem and improve the lives of those we care most about?
- Is the primary desire to go skydiving and post the video on social media to show the world that we have an exciting life or to share with loved ones that we have finally conquered our fear of heights?
Choosing "good enough" means understanding there is so much less desire, and therefore fewer paths to regret, when the person we are trying to please (not impress) is ourselves. It is about being honest with oneself and choosing our dreams instead of fulfilling someone else's.
Furthermore, minimizing the margin of regrets involves actively seeking experiences, for:
It is the aura of the unknown that attracts us. As soon as we have tried it, the veil of mystery is lifted, and we often forget why that very thing had so much hold on us in the first place. – WoA
The ultimate goal of the path of "good enough" is not to do less but rather to fill the ego with enough experiences for it to become completely unimpressed by the stories of all the other egos around, simply because it, too, has many stories to tell and is now full and wise enough to understand that most stories are always more exciting when you hear them than when you experience them.
However, if acting quickly instead of waiting for the perfect moment and being content with satisfactory outcomes instead of perfect ones reduces the chance of future suffering, how does this path apply to regrets that come from things we’ve done and wish we hadn’t done?
The answer lies in these Words of Art:
Hold your breath as long as you can, and when you can’t hold it anymore, begin the work of forgiving and redeeming yourself. The same way that Life does not hold on to things forever, you cannot hold on to the past. Life is motion, and only through forgiving the past version of yourself can you allow another version to be born and redeem it. – WoA
Similarly, what about regrets that come from things we haven’t done and wish we had done?
The winning number for the May 7th, 2024, PowerBall lottery ticket was 7-23-24-56-60-25. The ticket was sold at a Publix on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami Shores for a jackpot total of $215,000,000. Now that I know, I really wish I had bought it... – WoA
The reality is, to believe that one can change the past is absurd but recognizing that one can learn from it is wise. Serenity comes from understanding the difference between things that can be learned from the past and applied to the future, and those that should be simply accepted as Acts of God. Therefore, when it comes to things we wish we had done, or done differently, to minimize regrets, we should strive to learn from the past without judging it and aim to approach life more like a work of art and less like an instruction manual.
In conclusion, to face death without regret, we must strive to meet it empty of unfulfilled desires, and to do so we must embrace the path of “good enough,” emptying ourselves of desires not by rejecting them but by transcending them.
In the next lesson, we will talk about another feeling that might come up as we contemplate our own mortality: the fear of the unknown that is death.
See you in three days, and until then, may Serenity be upon you.
Didi
Question: After reading this lesson, do you feel ready to build your bucket list of desires and embark on the journey to empty it?
Reply with a yes or no, and feel free to expand beyond two or three characters.
P.S.: I am trying to find the right words to convey my thoughts in a language that is not mine, so please pardon my mistakes and feel free to reply with any suggestions and/or corrections that can make this reading experience more enjoyable.
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